Jack

I died but my sister is going to take my job don’t worry about it.

Guys, if you’re going to mock an old man ON HIS POTENTIAL DEATH BED please make sure it’s really funny.

I can’t believe Taylor Swift is getting divorced. (saving for later)

Crust is bread skin.

Most sand is average speed. Quick sand is like 2 or 3 standard deviations over.

I thought being able to wiggle my ears was going to be bigger deal in life.

I’m still chasing the high of a family dinner at the local Pizza Hut with the sit down Super Mario / Ice Climber table arcade game where my parents let me use my Book It points for a personal pan pepperoni pizza & Pepsi.

Four Seasons of the Midwest:

Polar Vortex
Tornado Time
Heat Dome
Wildfire Fallout

Everything I’ve written so far is prehumous.

Somewhere in the world, Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend when he’s in his mid-70s, was just born.

Men leave a trail of urine so we can find our way back to the toilet.

Voted most likely to run from office.

“Do you make the same face when you eat something delicious and when you have an orgasm?” is not an appropriate business meeting ice breaker and I know that now.

Going to light 250 flags for America’s birthday. 🇺🇸

Last year, more Americans gambled than read a book.

I’m going to start a TikTok about gambling and also recap books that people will never read.

If you unironically refer to it as “the deed” I’m not sure we’d be friends.

BOND: YEAR ONE

I’ve been rewatching the Bond movies monthly for two years and I forgot how terrific this one is.

Good acting from the leads, solid story, intense action, pretty to look at, and no crappy CGI from the 2000s.

Also, if it matters this is a pretty accurate Bond compared to the books.

Serious putty

You ever take a picture of a loved one and think “wow this is a great pic I’ll probably longingly look at this one if anything tragic ever happened to them”?

Harry Dean Stanton #botd 100 yrs!

Paris, Texas
Alien
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
Repo Man

Let’s light the moon on fire.

Topless book club 🍷

Have you ever had a coworker named Jayson that was insufferable in their tone and approach and he set a meeting at 7:00 AM this morning asking for data this week even though you’re in quarter end close and it’s a holiday week and you wanted to punch him in his smug face?

Chutes and Ladders should just be called Slides.