pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky”

It looks like Kendrick has won for now but sources tell me Drake has a devastating rebuttal planned for his performance at the Kids’ Choice Awards

Happy International Women’s Day to the most international woman of all: the woman trapped on the International Space Station

Welcome, teens coming here from tiktok. I think you’ll find that through the magic of the written word I am able to craft sentences that are as vivid and compelling as any short-form video!

Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" has perhaps the most memorable opening line in all of Western literature: "I hope you motherfuckers like reading about whales"

Most of the world’s brightest minds are hard at work developing new ways for you to get depression from a computer

Ah damn it turns out this whole political system relies on false assumptions about how big of an asshole someone could be

Quit freaking out. Remember that in 10,000 B.C., when America had ZERO international trade, a family could afford a house like this on a single income.

I want to promise you all that no matter how big this site gets, I will NEVER sell out to the makers of Windex, the world’s leading brand of glass and hard-surface cleaners, known and trusted for over 50 years

Quitting twitter for bluesky

I love my job as the guy who adds a fake “keep me signed in” checkbox to every website that does nothing

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

Abolish April Fool’s day. Society has moved past the need for April Fool’s day

This probably isn’t the developers’ top priority (although it should be), but I’d love to see the Bluesky app have an option to switch to the Julian calendar for those of us who reject the lies of Pope Gregory XIII

I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them

A reminder to please always add alt text to images as a service to users like me who can’t recognise any celebrity who became famous in the last ten years

Nothing feels worse than finding out everyone else in the group chat made a new group chat without you because they’re planning a war you aren’t invited to

Okay I guess I can see why this new logo is controversial

I’m sick of the Louvre gatekeeping access to great works of art. They should let you borrow the Mona Lisa for the weekend

Every time I read The Great Gatsby, the final paragraph brings me to tears. Breathtakingly powerful writing:

The real lesson of Zuckerberg and Musk is that some people are just born with loser stink on them that no amount of wealth or power will ever scrub off

My relationship with Big wasn’t the only thing I blew up that day. At the Trinity test site I detonated the first plutonium bomb, unleashing a 22 kiloton blast. Had I become Death, destroyer of worlds? Meanwhile uptown, Samantha had her hands full with her own “Manhattan project”

To be honest, I haven’t trusted Stephen Colbert ever since he conveniently abandoned all his right wing views as soon as he got hired to host a network talk show

I apologise to everyone who follows this account for investment advice and who lost money due to my recent post “invest all your money in hamburgers”. It turns out I was just hungry

I am the Rogue National Park Ranger. Thanks to DOGE’s staffing cuts we’ve seen a sharp rise in tourists having their picnic baskets stolen by a bear