Machine Pun Kelly

People need to stop saying this is AI-generated. It is obviously real.

There's this voice in the back of my head that says it's bad taste to make Lindsey Graham jokes right now.

Then I remember it's Lindsey Graham.

Too soon?

How do you like the sound of "President Ossoff?"

Since these things come in 3s. Is the Grim Reaper taking requests?

Reply to @kellyscaletta.bsky.social

For example:

A female is someone you'll never have an intimate relationship with.

A woman is someone who covers her drink when you walk by.

Both sides are not, in fact, the same.

To the incels who keep asking, "What is a woman?"

The problem isn't that we don't know the difference between a penis and a vagina.

The problem is that you don't know the difference between a female and a woman.

A female refers to sex.

A woman refers to gender.

There is a very specific subclass of nerds who used to use em dashes a lot but don't do it anymore because they don't want people to think they're AI.

These are my people.

Why don't we refer to Lincoln's diaries as the Lincoln Logs?"

This is what we used to all an extortion racket.

Great quote!

Fact check: True

awkword @awkword.bsky.social

ICYMI: The new $500 “American made” Trump phone is actually a 2-year-old phone made in China www.ifixit.com/News/117789/...

Wife: It's 105 in parts of France now!

Me: You know what you call people who live there?

Wife: What?

Me: French fries.

Hearing the cause of Lindsey Graham's sudden demise was an undiagnosed mushroom allergy.

What do you call a manic-depressive bear?

A bipolar bear!

I had some short ribs I got on sale. On a whim, I threw them in the slow cooker along with some dehydrated mushrooms, some sprouted wheat berries, and sprouted brown rice.

I think I'll call it Harvest Beef Wheat Berry Pilaf.

And I made some bread to go with it.

Why did the tea keep making rookie mistakes?

He was green.

Reply to @kellyscaletta.bsky.social

I made it a meme. Feel free to steal.

Remember that time Lindsey Graham got his soul snatched by a handful of MAGA protesters in an airport? www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVNH...

Trump Supporters Verbally Harrass Lindsey Graham

YouTube video by Bloomberg News

If you played spin the bottle with a cup, would that be a whirled cup?

Reply to @out5p0ken.bsky.social

Get 'em!

Haley Joel Osment: I See Dead People

ALT: Haley Joel Osment: I See Dead People

In shocking news, Trump lies and Taco Bell causes the trots. youtube.com/live/R02lQ5g...

The Pun Show: Least Shocking News ever? Trump Lies or Taco Bell Gives You the Trots?

YouTube video by Machine Pun Kelly

Starting now! The Pun Show!

Will Donald Trump lie tonight?

youtube.com/live/3cOnHXv...

The Pun Show: Will Donald Trump Lie Tonight?

YouTube video by Machine Pun Kelly