God

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose.

Other signs of his alcoholism included dizziness and chronic reckless behavior.

There, there. Don't you fret. Just seven more years and it'll all be over.

YR4: the asteroid with a tiny chance of hitting Earth

The asteroid named YR4 has a 1% chance of hitting Earth in 2032

Matthew 28, John 20.
Luke 24, Mark 10.
That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals.

You can't just say "Goddammit!" and expect Me to damn it. There's a procedure. File the paperwork.

When life gives you lemons, make lemon garlic salmon. You’ll need salmon, lemons, garlic and butter. Melt the butter, crush the lemon and garlic through it, pour over the salmon, and grill. Top with parsley and dill.

I now have 10,000 followers here but over 5.9 million at the other place. If you want Me to switch for good I need you to get the word out that I'm here, pathetically desperate for worship (just like in real life), and filled with even more contempt for you here than I was there.

I'm here because I invented the blue sky. The overheated ozone-depleted sky, though, that's all you.

The same people who don't believe the sea is rising have no problem believing Moses parted it and Jesus could walk on it.

It would be bad enough to see your country destroyed by an evil genius. But an evil moron, that's just embarrassing.

Don’t forget to stop by Walmart this Black Friday for its 50% off sale on trampled human corpses!

The planet’s two biggest assholes are the President of the United States and the world’s richest man.

This is not ideal.

I created you in My image and I am an asshole.

You're a climate refugee in the making.

I have lost control of the situation.

You can tell BlueSky is doing well because it is now apparently a hotbed of woke communist anti-American illegal-immigrant-loving liberal elitist transgenders.

There's no need to worry over the future. Worrying over the present is more than sufficient.

I don't create complex marine ecosystems in your landfills, so please don't dump shit in My oceans.

When he dies, I, the President of Heaven, will impose a 500,000,000,000,000% tariff on his soul.

I just accidentally sent My plans for the Apocalypse to an editor at The Atlantic.

Most Christians celebrate Jesus mainly for his birth and death, and gloss over the insignificant period between them known as "his entire life".

BlueSky is a sanctuary platform. As long as you're here, you can't be deported to X.

When he dies there will actually be, for the first time ever, a special place in hell.

Look for Me at the Grammys tonight! I'll be the one repeatedly thanked by people who will use cocaine later in the evening.

Today's the day for you to get any last-minute democracy in.