🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️

That Avocados From Mexico super bowl ad gonna hit real different I suspect

We don't talk enough about what a fun name the Fine Young Cannibals is.

Drives me crazy

I hope when the white smoke comes out the Vatican sound system starts playing 🎶 RIGHT ABOUT NOW FUNK POPE BROTHER CHECK IT OUT NOW 🎶

Otherwise this was all a waste of time

Hell yes I'm recycling all my tweets on Bluesky. Why should I come up with new garbage when I already have this garbage?

Has anyone ever spiraled into control?

I guess putting lead back into paint is next

Gabapentin would make a beautiful name for a baby girl

I think "go fly a kite" was the original go fuck yourself

My dad got my kid a gift that requires batteries, but did not supply the batteries.

It's good to see that traditions from my childhood still live on.

My Myers-Briggs score came back as NSFW

Possibly terrifying, possibly good for the environment if literal: Applebees

*Me accidentally knocking over my recycling bin after dark*

50 people on Nextdoor: Did you hear gunshots?

What was that boom?

Did anyone else hear that?

Somebody call the cops!

Was there an explosion?

Inside me are 4 horsemen. I am singlehandedly holding back the Apocalypse.

Gasses: Sup bitches

Noble Gasses: Good evening m'ladies

What idiot called it a period tracker when flow chart was right there?

Her: My boobs are starting to sag

Me: You should let me jizz on them then

Her: How the fuck is that going to help?

Me: It really firmed up my socks

I'm "a pfp used to be called an avi" years old

Who up ironing they maiden

*Listens to We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel*

*Adds history major to resumé*

You're the next pope, Charlie Brown

Double cassette decks were the original file sharing

You can't hurt me. I made it through leather seats in the car during summer.

I've got to get these Christmas decorations out of my yard before the Google maps car comes back around

An escape room, but we just lock kids in a library and they have to use the Dewey decimal system to find their way out.