Coach Rusty

Doc: you know what helps with depression and doesn’t cost you a dime?!

Me: please say posting

Doc: EXERCISE!

Me: fuck

"bluesky is so empty" bro I posted on a message board for a whole decade until there was like 4 of us left you can't scare me

Being the “cool” uncle has its perks, my Wiccan niece just showed up and whispered to me you’re the only person here I’m not cursing

“But if I post on Friday night will anybody see it?!” Bruh everyone here is 45 we’re all at home like you are

Boss: what would you say was your biggest accomplishment last year

Me: when I caught a scorpion and a hornet in the same jar and made them fight

Boss: ...I meant at work

Me: that did happen at work

Behave yourself or I’m sending a Bluesky code to your mom

Hey I see you struggling and just want you to remember you can always do that somewhere more private

[creating bluesky] what if there was a website where everyone is 46

Pro tip to the new folks - you really don’t have to announce that you came from Twitter in your bio, we literally all did. It’s like saying you were born out of a vagina

People will claim to love ASMR and then refuse to come listen to the Victorian-era child ghost whispering in my attic

Back in youth group we were only allowed to say Jean-Claude Van Darn

Bluesky bios are great I wish people in real life had to give you a notecard with what the fuck is wrong with them before you decide whether to talk to them or not

My favorite part about No Scrubs is how it just immediately defines what scrub is, I honestly wish more songs would explain what the hell they’re talking about right out of the gate

She’s a lady in the streets but a fork in the microwave

Hitchhiking to Thanksgiving and inviting the driver to dinner so instead of arguing about politics we can all just worry about being murdered

The average human has about 60,000 thoughts per day. Your challenge is to identify the worst one and post that on the internet

Apologies for this top-tier mental health advice but you’ll be a lot happier when you just accept that there will never be a reckoning

What the fuck 2025 this ain’t no clean slate this slate still dirty as shit

If you haven't been on Bluesky in a while, the proper protocol is to come back and say "almost forgot about this app lol" and then disappear for good this time

Bluesky's most comprehensive shitposter starter pack?? YOU BE THE JUDGE

go.bsky.app/KEMrsiq

One time a telemarketer called my grandma and asked what she was using for pest control and she said “my shoe” and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make a joke that good

Sorry for showing up to your birthday party so stoned but in my defense you’re 9 and this is boring as fuck for me

There’s a hawk with a snake in its mouth who’s been sitting on my mailbox and staring at me through the window since dawn. Is this bad it seems bad

Bro stop calling yourself a geography nerd you don’t even have a favorite peninsula lmao