The Secret Barrister

What I would quite like please is for somebody to write the rest of my book for me. Not in a ghost-writing cheaty way, just in a physically lifting my fingers onto the keyboard and slapping me every time I think about wandering into the kitchen.

Applicants welcome.

I prosecute and defend the most serious sexual offences in our courts.

The overwhelming majority of offenders are British-born. Overwhelmingly the victim is someone known to them, either a partner or relative.

Anybody purporting to care about protecting women might start there.

Gabby: What was your highlight of the half time show?

Wayne Rooney: When it finished. I thought it was crap.

10/10 punditry. No notes.

As Honest Bob Jenrick tours the country repeating far-right conspiracy talking points about “two-tier sentencing”, here is the letter his own government sent to the Sentencing Council last year approving the very Guidelines he now claims are evidence of “two-tier Keir”.

The man is a fraud.

If a man can’t give a Nazi salute at a party for a racist convicted fraudster and proven sex offender, then what kind of sick world are we living in, I ask you.

This is a lie.

There are many criticisms you might sensibly and truthfully make of the Sentencing Council and the Sentencing Guidelines. I’ve been making them for years.

But this is an outright lie. Pure fabrication. A fraud on the public.

Having not read the sentencing remarks, I’m cautious about rushing to conclusions, but on its face Feathers McGraw appears to be a prime example of the rampant sentence inflation that has led to chronic overcrowding in our zoos and the unedifying spectacle of animals being released early.

Martyn Brunt @skybluebrunty.bsky.social

Curious to know whether @barristersecret.bsky.social thinks 30 years behind bars for robbery and attempted murder was a fair sentence for Feathers McGraw? It seems a bit steep #WallaceAndGromit

Why is nobody talking about this?

A quick social experiment.

The same tweet, posted at the same time on here and on Twitter, commenting on @joannahs.bsky.social’s brilliant piece on the exodus of criminal barristers.

Bluesky replies on the left.

Twitter on the right.

Hey @mrjamesob.bsky.social! Apparently we are part of a cabal which “sets the agenda on both sides of the Atlantic.”

Good to know, right?

For two men who have professed such hostility towards taking the knee, they are surprisingly happy to do it for Putin, in the Oval Office, in full view of the world’s media.

A quick look on the racism site shows that Shadow Justice Secretary Robert Jenrick is apparently outraged at the delays in the criminal justice system.

Y’know, the ones caused by the policies that he consistently supported. The ones that he was absolutely fine with when he was in government.

I see that a collection of MPs have taken it upon themselves to “launch” a private prosecution, in relation to a case which is still awaiting a CPS charging decision.

What might be the problems with this? 🧵

When you’ve told your client not to make things any worse when they speak to Probation for their Pre-Sentence Report.

If you don’t like being called a racist, maybe don’t make a career of saying things that appeal to racists, don’t create a political party that keeps attracting racist candidates, don’t fawn over racist world leaders, and don’t make a convicted racist the guest of honour at your party conference.

I see Honest Bob Jenrick has a new little video attacking barristers for representing unpopular clients.

Once again for those at the back:

Lawyers are not their clients.

Which is how, when Jenrick broke the law in government, he had lawyers to defend him.

I was asked (repeatedly, aggressively) on the other platform for my lawyery views on Allison Pearson’s story.

I declined to comment because Ms Pearson is a famously unreliable narrator of events, and I wanted to wait for independent evidence.

Alas for Ms Pearson…

Peter Walker @peterwalker99.bsky.social

Allison Pearson: Police told me I was "accused of a non-crime hate incident". Essex police bodycam footage: "It’s gone down as an incident or offence of potentially inciting racial hatred online. That would be the offence."

Racist politicians whip up racist outrage.

Widespread disorder ensues.

The courts treat widespread disorder with the severity that they have always treated widespread disorder.

Racist politicians cry “two-tier justice”, whipping up racist outrage.

Rinse. Repeat.

It’s so fucking tedious.

I regret to inform you that we have reached the “Broadmoor is a holiday camp” stage of right-wing discourse.

Just to recap:

Calling Nigel Farage “an unflushable poo” = dehumanising hate speech.

Calling for hotels housing asylum seekers to be set on fire = guest of honour at party conference.

Bless those non-racist free speech warriors.

Daily Mail @dailymail.co.uk

Reform's Lee Anderson demands public apology from LBC host James O'Brien over 'distressing' and 'dehumanising' attacks on leader Nigel Farage trib.al/X7mJFBt

Reform demands apology from James O'Brien over Nigel Farage attacks

James O'Brien dismissed claims from Nigel Farage about his security, and branded him a 'horrible excretion… bobbing around in the toilet bowl of public life'

I understand the human instinct. I’d want to do the same.

But that’s why no individual should be given the power to pardon members of their family.

A Telegraph journalist does not accept that judges make decisions according to the law, rather than the imbecilic whims of uninformed newspaper proprietors.

Roland Smith @rolandmcs.bsky.social

Morning.

If there are politicians or activists with a genuine interest in fixing the problems in investigating and prosecuting sexual offences, there are many criminal justice experts happy to help.

I just mention it because we don’t hear from many of you unless it involves defendants of certain races.

Happy 2025, beautiful people.

As a philosopher once said, there’s some good in this world, Mr Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

X