Kumail Nanjiani

2025 has been my least favorite decade so far.

My superpower is I can tell whenever the coffee cups in a tv show are empty. Law & Order hasn’t seen a wet cup in 30 years.

I did an event in DC & there was a party for donors etc after. Was talking to 2 ppl & I said "Things are so bad." They said "No this is how it is. Things swing one way, then another. It's normal."

That's when I realized why Dems are toothless. They have no idea what this is. Frogs boiling in water.

A Dem lawmaker and her husband were killed by a guy for their political views and it’s already out of the news.

The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy but I still like seeing them fight

De-Nazify shit.

Some superheroes popped in to see my show in Toronto.

Have been on Bluesky quite a bit the last two days (for info & resources) & it’s not social media that’s broken. I think it’s us that’s broken now. I’ll post about places ppl can donate because LA is in bad shape & my replies are full of “ummmm sounds like somebody’s never heard of Pompeii.”

In advance of the Oscars tonight: a lot of comedy heroes let you down. They become unfunny/bitter/closed minded. Conan is the exception. He has grown & evolved & is funnier than he’s ever been. He’s also an extremely kind and lovely human. Just a sincere post to say: Conan rules.

Bluesky feels like I took a Time Machine back to 2009 when I was still like “Hey this social media thing is going to make the world a better place.”

You know that Twilight Zone episode where the kid has amazing psychic powers and can make people disappear with his mind and the entire town is hostage to him and has to cater to his every whim? That’s us right now.

Movie night with Bagel. Trying not to interrupt whatever’s going on here. #Flow

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I love this time of year because people will post something super dramatic and vague like “Nooooooo” and I can’t tell if it’s about football or *gestures outside window* all of this.

real bummer finding out that literally everything was on the honor system this whole time

I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 8. We didn’t have a coffee maker. Everyone else drank tea. I drank instant coffee & loved it. Drank it non-stop.

Years later, my mom had half a cup, got wired & was like “you’ve been doing this every day?!?”

Coffee was only for special occasions after that.

Can always count on the Dems to bring a banana to a gun fight.

For historians/ppl who know history: did the German public who were complicit with the rise of nazism ever realize they were the bad guys? After the end of the war, did the public by & large understand they were wrong? Or were they just upset they lost? I know you can’t generalize to everyone but…

I’m sick of living through Wikipedia entries.

I know this makes me sound like an old fuddy duddy, but making my favorite animation list makes me realize just how much I miss hand drawn animation. The little imperfections, the warmth, the lines squiggling here and there. You could feel the humanity in every frame. Everything looks so clean now.

Always blue.

People outside of LA truly don’t understand how apocalyptic this is. It’s worse than it’s ever been. Entire residential neighborhoods are burning to the ground.

The Brutalist is stunning but going forward I’ll be googling “how many handjobs does this movie have?” before choosing to watch with my parents.

Yeah I know people say anxiety is bad, but mine has just been collecting all the possible things that can go wrong so far. Once it has an exhaustive catalog of every possible mishap, it’ll move on to suggesting solutions and then you better watch out.

I remember one time I went to a restaurant and it just ended up being in somebody’s house and the family tried to figure out what was wrong with their oven while I sat in their living room. 5 out of 5 would repeat.